American Idol, Top 5 Peformances

Five contestants, five numbered points. Should be easy, right?

1. Kris ditched the guitar and sang something kinda boring. So boring I don't remember was song it was and he finished singing it like five minutes ago. So boring I don't want to rewind to figure out what it was.
   
2. Allison sang a very controlled version of "Someone to Watch Over You." Kara, Randy, and Paula acted like Simon was insane for saying he didn't think Allison could win the competition at this point, which only served to point out (yet again) that Randy's stupid, Kara's drunk, and Paula's high.
   
3. Matt got a very weird face from mentor Jamie Foxx when he sang, and then Jamie Foxx decided to be insane (because, why not?) by not giving Matt any feedback, but then calling him back to tell him to change the key. Do you think the producers told Jamie to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING to earn his American Idol keep? Bizarre. Okay, have you guys seen that stupid new show on ABC Family, Roommates? It's awful; don't watch it. But in one episode this weird kid finds a hat like Matt is wearing tonight with a spider on it. He says, "It's like if Justin Timberlake and a spider had a baby...that was a hat." This is what I think of when I watch Matt sing.
4. Gokey. God! (That was a cry of exasperation, not a cry of devotion. Just to clarify.) Jamie Foxx continued to go insane by spreading his arms wide and telling Danny Gokey, "You wanted to go like this, but then you look at me like he's looking at this..." and then he got all up in Gokey's grill and made him sing with their faces so close together that they were probably breathing in each other's carbon dioxide. I would ask here if Jamie Foxx is on drugs, but I don't really care. I prefer to believe that Jamie Foxx just gives all people the advice that they have to do their job with him completely in their face, distracting them. I wish he would come to my cubicle and stick his face in mine when I'm trying to send high priority e-mails. People would be like, "Why is Jamie Foxx in your face all day long?" And I would say, "He's teaching me to be awesome. JEEZ!"
   
5. Adam Lambert. God! (Now that's a cry of devotion, people.) Adam sang "Feeling Good." Even Jamie Foxxsmiled at Adam Lambert's AWESOME: "You don't care about who I am at all." Jamie Foxx is the most humble man alive. I think Adam Lambert is like a drug, okay? I'm always going to get something out of him, but I think I've built a tolerance to him. He didn't knock my socks off, but that's because for Adam Lambert to knock your socks off he's gotta take it to like one hundred gajillion percent. Of course, it was good. (Is that even a question when Adam's name is up?) It just wasn't...PHENOMENAL.